as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
