too bad you live with your parents still
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
