addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The air was thick with penises
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize