Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
