i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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