so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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