am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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