there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
