i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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