dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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