Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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