i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
