I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
