My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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