I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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