Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
