On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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