i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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