I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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