i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
