Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
