I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
