apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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