Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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