I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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