Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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