I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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