Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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