got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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