my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
