Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
