DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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