Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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