I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will be naked everywhere
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
