She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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