i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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