Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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