why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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