We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
