The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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