my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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