just come out here and I will go home with you...
you would pick up someone in the library
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
