I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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