he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
