Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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