totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
