If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
