I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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