Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize