I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
