so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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