the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
