If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
