I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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