I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
