Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
