No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My penis needs a shock collar
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
