i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
