You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
