Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
