He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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