dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
