I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We had sex on a dog bed..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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