shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
