my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
