two words: eviction party
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
