is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
