I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Still dying that you shit outside
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
