she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
