Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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