This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
