Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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