Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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