Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
