Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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