Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He passed out mid-signature
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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