Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
