My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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