on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
