you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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