he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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