WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
