i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
