I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im holly from the hills drunk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
