Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
