people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
