If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
