well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize