I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
